You would think confidence comes from finally figuring out what to do. But for me, a surprising amount of confidence came from the things I stopped doing. I stopped trying so hard and started realizing that confidence at 50 isn’t necessarily about becoming someone new.
Here are seven things I stopped doing after 50 that made me feel a whole lot more confident.
1. I Stopped Dressing for the Body I Used to Have
For a long time, I had clothes in my closet that were basically waiting for another version of me. Eventually, I realized how ridiculous it was to open my closet every morning and be greeted by clothes that made me feel like my current body wasn’t quite good enough.
The lesson: Dress the woman you are today. She deserves good clothes too.
2. I Stopped Saving the Good Stuff
Like saving that expensive perfume? Whyyyy? Oh, and I used to hoard candles, and then not use them! I used to save things for special occasions.
The lesson: Stop waiting for an occasion worthy of your favorite things. You are the occasion.
3. I Stopped Trying to Look Younger
There is an enormous industry built around convincing women that aging is a problem we’re supposed to solve. Wrinkles need correcting and gray hair needs covering.
But aging isn’t something I’m interested in fighting every morning.Do I still care about how I look? Absolutely. I love skincare and makeup. But I’m doing those things because they’re fun and not not because I’m trying to erase 20 years from my face.
The lesson: Instead of asking, “Does this make me look younger?” ask, “Does this make me feel good?”
4. I Stopped Saying Yes on Autopilot
Sometimes we say yes because we genuinely want to. But sometimes we say yes because we don’t want someone to be disappointed or annoyed. You don’t actually have to give people an immediate answer. Learning that has been strangely liberating.
The lesson: Before saying yes, give yourself a moment to ask whether you actually want to.
5. I Stopped Comparing Myself to Other Women
Comparison is exhausting because there will always be someone who appears to have more of whatever you’re measuring.And social media has turned comparison into an Olympic sport. What we forget is that we’re usually comparing our entire messy, complicated life to a tiny, carefully selected piece of someone else’s.
The lesson: You can appreciate what another woman has without questioning what you have.
6. I Stopped Apologizing for Things That Don’t Require an Apology
We apologize for taking up someone’s time and asking questions. So I’ve been trying to save “I’m sorry” for situations in which I’ve actually done something that warrants an apology.
The lesson: The next time you’re about to say “sorry,” ask yourself: Did I actually do something wrong?
7. I Stopped Thinking My Best Years Were Behind Me
There is so much messaging around women and age that subtly tells us life gets smaller after 50. We’re supposed to become quieter and less visible. But how come? There are things I understand about myself now that I couldn’t possibly have understood at 30.
The lesson: You’re not past your prime. You’re just entering a different one.